How to find the essence of the holiday…fast.

I was raised in a conservative Jewish family. Traditions were upheld and formed the foundation of our Jewish upbringing. I remember with great fondness driving south on Route 1 to my aunt’s home for Passover seder every year when I was a kid. My mother’s family was always close and the seder was the yearly equivalent of a Jewish family reunion. As I reflect on the seders past, I recall that as I got older, the shorter they became. I wasn’t sure if it was due to the fact that the elder family members had to eat early for diabetic reasons or we all just got so hungry smelling the cooking that had been going on for hours prior. When I had my own family, I strived to continue the traditions I was raised with, in hopes of instilling those same traditions in my children. But there were other factors at work here, especially when getting married means you become one with another family unit that has their own (different) traditions and religious attitudes.

My brother, on the other hand, married into a family in line with his traditional beliefs and expectations. Let me also set the stage—or seder table—with the fact that a wedding present we received from my brother and his wife was a traditional Haggadah, explanations and all. The difference in our methods of Passover observances can be summed up by a phone call we had at the start of a recent Passover, a tradition we started when he moved to another country (OK, it’s just Canada, but still…). He called me around 6:45 in the evening and the conversation went like this. He starts, “Hey bro, Happy Passover! Are you about to start your seder? We are just about to begin—should start eating around 10 pm and finish the seder around 2 am. Wanna join us?” At which point I respond, “Sorry, man, we’re already done. We did the cliff notes version.” After hanging up I felt a little religious guilt, but also realized there were probably other families experiencing the same type of seder as me. It was then that it hit me. Maybe if we could start a movement. The Simple Seder. For those with hearty appetites.

Over the years I have wrestled with finding the essential haggadah. There have been  the “art” haggadahs brought home by our children who crafted them at school, the personalized haggadahs we ordered online and, of course, the collection of time-honored dog-eared Maxwell House coffee haggadahs. Somehow we ended up with a mismash—each one was different, some shorter than others, some longer. And my questions mounted. What was the proper haggadah? Which story was true to form? Was I any less observant if I read one over the other, or was the act alone enough? Long gone were the family seders at my aunt’s that lasted until the wee hours and frankly flying the family to Canada wasn’t an option. Then I came upon the real question: What was the new seder experience about for me and for my kids and, if it was anything short of a six-hour ritual, was I cheating the religious obligation that I felt I owed to being a Jew?

Then it hit me. Passover is a celebration of survival and life. The Hebrew that we read in the haggadah ties the past and the present. The story is just that, a story to build the tradition upon. I had found my peace with my guilt, I had reasoned away my excuse for what had become the “speed seder” wham, bam thank you ma’am, as my brother liked to call it.

So enough of the pain of waiting until we are done reading and suffering as we smell the brisket and the rest of the dishes cooking. It’s OK to celebrate this holiday and the epicurian delights that await us at the completion of the seder sooner. We are not cheating our traditions, only expanding what makes this holiday special, more time to sit and converse with family and friends.

The 15-Minute Seder

Here’s how we get it all accomplished, fulfilling all the rituals without eating up the clock.

• As with all holidays the prep is important. The night before, the leavened goods are collected, followed by a short prayer. (This is optional. If you really do throw out all the leavened goods by all means say the prayer. For those who don’t, start on the first night.)

• Start with the lighting of the candles and the prayer for searching for the leavened goods within the house.

• Now say the prayer for the first cup of wine, Recitation of the Kiddish.

• Say the prayers for the eating of a green vegetable.

• Break the middle matzah (the afikomen).

• Follow with the four questions, the center of all good seders.

• Read aloud the “The Answer.”

• Read the ten plagues and spill a drop of wine for each one.

• Read about the matzah.

• Read about the bitter herbs.

• Say the prayer for the second cup and drink up.

• Say the motzi for the matzah, eat the matzah.

• Dip bitter herbs in charoset, eat the herbs.

• Eat the herbs and matzah together. (At this time my family starts getting creative: Chopped liver and matzah sandwiches, charoset and matzah with a little horseradish­—you get the idea.)

• Now eat dinner. (At this stage our seder is generally complete. No one really sings at our seder, and nobody would want them to—trust me on that one.)

• After dinner, send the kids to look for the afikomen, then regroup at the table for chocolate macaroons. And let’s not forget there are two more cups of wine to enjoy.

Not fast enough for you? Check out Michael Rubiner’s two minute version on Slate (http://www.slate.com/id/2139601/). Need more? There’s the 30-Minute Seder that you can download at http://www.30minuteseder.com/ ©

Do’s and Don’ts of Hiding the Afikomen

As much as we all like to go on scavenger hunts (and, hey, who couldn’t use a few bucks right now?), as time passes, you need to assume the mantle of an elder and take care of hiding the afikomen. So repress the urge to get up and run to look for it; instead, do as I do and sit and watch as the youngsters tear apart the family room, much to my wife’s horror. A few tips therefore are warranted on where and where not to hide the prize.

DO make sure it is wrapped tight and no crumbs will fall out, lest you make a trail to the destination and cause your significant other to have a konniption fit about having to clean up afterwards.

DON’T hide it behind any paintings. For one, it might be too high for the lilliputians and, two, one of the bigger lilliputians might knock the painting off the wall as they leap in excitement.

DO make it easy enough to find but hard enough to warrant at least a good 5-minute search (you can use the break).

DON’T help out with the “Colder…Warmer” routine, or why hide it in the first place?

DO hide it well enough so that it’s not visible to darting eyes—make ‘em dig around.

DON’T hide it within range of some pet that feels underfed and might jump at the chance for a fast snack.

DO give an award to the finder of the unleavened grail—$5 to $10 should be enough, unless there is some quiet competition with relatives in from NY (you know, the one who has to show you up by pulling out a twenty).

And finally, DON’T eat the matzah. By this time you would have finished your meal and the effects of already consumed matzah are well on their way to wreaking havoc with your digestive system. Save it for the matzah brei in the morning.

Haggadahs enter the digital age.
Tired of all those old Maxwell House Haggadahs that your grandmother used to bring for Passover? Wanna look like the cool Jew in the family? The iPhone Haggadah is a brief and summarized version you have been looking for. No longer looking for the next prayer, find it all in order of the seder. Key features include: Easy navigation between sections, blessings in both Hebrew and English and, the most important, instructions on when to drink the cups of wine. All your favorites are included, from those memorable four questions to the “I’ll get you back” 10 plagues. At the itunes app store, $2.99.

How to find the essence of the holiday…fast. I was raised in a conservative Jewish family. Traditions were upheld and formed the foundation of our Jewish upbringing. I remember with great fondness driving south on Route 1 to my aunt’s home for Passover seder every year when I was a kid. My mother’s family was [...]